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18 October 2010 @ 02:16 pm
Like O, Like H  


Characters: Kara Thrace, Socrata Thrace
Source: Battlestar Galactica
Song: Like O, Like H
Artist: Tegan And Sara
Spoilers: The Miniseries, S1, S2, Razor, S3
File Size: 22 mb
Warnings: CHILD ABUSE, violence, anger, dark themes; external footage use
For Kara Thrace vids-a-thon hosted by daybreak777 
All credit for the song choice goes to nytel 
Download links:  megaupload , axifile
Streaming: here
Notes: This is my take on Kara's childhood issues that often pave a way to her decision making throughout her life as an adult. The video contains dark visual imagery, so maybe some of you will think twice before watching it. It is also heavy with external sources shots, because it felt right for me to broaden the story's boundaries and show the horrible reality of what I think her life was back then... If some of you don't like seeing non-BSG footage in videos and perceive it as canon offence, I apologise, but it felt necessary: so you've been warned. 

You won't see much of Kara's special destiny BS here 'cause I could never stand the message that violence is good and anyone who refuses to accept that is simply blind to the fact that people who use it have only their victim's best interests at heart, and therefore it should be embraced.

The show runners didn't manage to do the subject justice in my opinion.  Not in Maelstrom,  and not even in the entire S4. A lot of the times it felt like they tried to distort Socrata's character flaws and turn everything around; they tried to sell Kara's swift and easy forgiveness of what her mother did to her, of what Leoben did too, and failed miserably, because it was as far from gritty realism of life as it can get (and I think anyone who'd been through any form of emotional of physical abuse as a kid can agree with that). It felt like a betrayal; in this work I wanted to explore Kara's past and address the graveness and horror of what was done to her *in canon* as I knew it in S1 and S2, and some of S3.

Comments are always welcome!

Lyrics under

***
When I was 8
I was sure
I was growing nerves
Like steel in my palm
Make a map of what you see
Direct pain effectively
I was 8,
I was sure
I was growing pain
Like lead in my feet
S.O.S. to my mother
Take the hinges off the door
S.O.S. to my mother
Take the hinges off the door
Oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like O, like H in your gut
Like O, like H in your gut
Like O, like H in your gut
In your gut
S.O.S., S.O.S.
When I was four plus a ten
I was swinging fists
Like nails in a board
Pull your hands inside of you
Six years 'till I'll be through
I was four plus a ten,
I was swinging back
Like a race to be sure
S.O.S. to my mother
Take the hinges off the door
S.O.S. to my mother
Take the hinges off the door
Oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like oh, oh, sugar spell it out
Like O, like H in your gut
Like O, like H in your gut
Like O, like H in your gut
Like O, like H in your gut
(S.O.S., S.O.S., S.O.S.)
In your gut, in your gut
In your...

 
 
 
daybreak777: kara little girldaybreak777 on October 18th, 2010 11:03 am (UTC)
I left this comment at the 'thon but wanted to post it here too.

Wow, Mariks. This was brutal. I love the little girl footage intertwined here and your view of Kara's childhood. I love the teenage stuff too. So much violence! And it explains so much. All of that self-destructive behavior, the feeling she had of being a cancer, it all stems from here.

I immediately sat up and took notice as the vid unfolded (it's around 6:30am where I am and I am now fully awake). I was so concerned about her. Worried about that little girl. I'm still worried.

Excellent, excellent vid. Must have been hard to make. I'll watch it lots but it won't be easy. I am so glad that you made your take on the demons inside of Kara and were they began. And I could go on and on about this vid. I liked the use of hands here. Particularly the doctor bandaging that small hand. Great use of differing sources and well, your vids are always layered and emotional and just so very well done.

Edited at 2010-10-19 12:09 am (UTC)
rdave1rdave1 on October 18th, 2010 04:22 pm (UTC)
WOW! That was powerful. I wish I could be more creative in what I say but I'm a bit speechless. You've said and done more in this 3 min vid about Kara's childhood and her relationship with her mother then TPTB did in 4 years.

Fabulous job! The images of those other Kara look a like was at different phases in her life was excellent. The end with Cain was a nice suprise. Well done!
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 20th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much for your lovely comments! I did my best to show one of those many things that should've been acknowledged on Battlestar. Kara's story had an unbelievable potential...

It felt right to have that ending with vulnerability and disbelief at hearing the words of praise from Cain, and Kara shaking herself awake in fear, all sweaty and disoriented. Those feelings mingled with pain/terror/hatred/hope are a testament of her childhood after all, something she dragged along in her life as an adult too, even though she did her best to cover it, could even fool so many people with her "Don't mess with me, I'm unbreakable!" attitude.
Becka: starbuckbeccatoria on October 18th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was amazing. Such powerful use of external footage. Often when I see external footage it seems random - unclear what's happening, but you blend it so well with the sports and the piano and the actresses that look right for the part - it's a fullblown and brutal narrative. I'm also really impressed by the way you carry your visual parallels - such as the reaching - the palms of hands - through all your sources, external and BSG - it makes it feel really cohesive.

Thanks for sharing this - definitely one I'll be downloading.

ETA: Just read your author's notes and want to agree about the very odd way that the ultimate treatment of Kara's destiny seemed like a justification for what happened to her. I have incredibly complex feelings about the episode Maelstrom mainly because I think it works perfectly as an exploration of Kara's state of mind before she committed suicide - fitting an impossible, childishly perfect reconciliation with her mother into the only space in her entire life it could still fit - the last few weeks of her life. But unfortunately I think the show probably meant it to be a peaceful and forgiving experience, rather than one to show us just how broken she was. It's a shame, because they could have done something spectacularly dark with that. I think I would have followed them on a story about how Kara had to be that messed up so she'd kill herself because if she didn't die in that Maelstrom, she never could have done...whatever it was she was supposed to do - if the story had just acknowledged that this was something really messed up. But it sort of...didn't. And as things stand I think the shot at the end of Maelstrom with Little Girl Kara all happy in white light as she's committing suicide is probably the creepiest in the whole show.

Aaaaand, I'm done. Sorry, long rant there I didn't know I still had in me. Suffice to say I agree with you and they didn't do justice to the material they had there.

Edited at 2010-10-18 04:39 pm (UTC)
something clever: kara downfallshah_of_blah on October 18th, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
Oh my, this vid is amazing--really beautifully painful. I was actually flinching throughout much of it. I don't know where the external footage came from, but you wove it in so well that I all but forgot it wasn't part of Kara's canon.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 20th, 2010 06:49 am (UTC)
That's what I was aiming for with external source.

And I couldn't prevent the vid from getting painful to see and razor-edged by the end. Thanks a lot for watching nonetheless, and for your feedback!
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!: Kara/Lee boxing hugbop_radar on October 18th, 2010 11:11 pm (UTC)
*sobs and sobs and sobs* I know comments like that always sound like exaggeration. But ... if you were here you could touch my tears. I started crying ten seconds in and didn't stop and was left gasping at the end. The unexpected coda really worked for me emotionally because I kept thinking it was over and then there was more--and that's kind of fitting given that Kara's abuse cycles keep on coming. That look she gives Cain! And oh the way she shakes herself awake in horror! Waaahhhh!

I can't tell you how strong I think you are to make this, to complete it, it's so raw and uncompromising. I know you had qualms about it but watching it, I am so much IN the story that I do not feel the presence of the author at all.

The external footage feels totally integrated to me--the shot of the little girl throwing her hands in her air is what first broke me, I wanted to lift her up and rescue her. There is so much fragility in that one brief triumph--I saw all Kara's other moments of triumph in that shot, and suddenly it was obvious to me how beneath that 'whoo hoo, I'm a hotshot!' feeling there was so much pain.

I feel like you built a completely coherent narrative here about Kara's adolescence as well. I would loooove you to do the same with Lee. I don't know where you found the footage, but it was so perfect.

I saw a bit of Tyra in Kara there for a moment, btw!

I love your editing SO MUCH. It's so fluid and so intuitive and you built these little beats between beats of the music, and you integrate still moments so well.

Mostly I'm just staggered by how perfectly you captured the relationship with Socrata.

I have to pull myself together now and go have my haircut. The last time I was this affected by anything was after reading the first book of Chaos Walking. Ironically I read it at the hairdressers too! What is it with me and crying in the hairdresser?!
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 19th, 2010 08:35 am (UTC)
*sobs and sobs and sobs* I know comments like that always sound like exaggeration.

Hmm. Not to me. And not from you.

But ... if you were here you could touch my tears. I started crying ten seconds in and didn't stop and was left gasping at the end.

I can touch your tears... I have no words. *hugs... and hugs and hugs some more*
Can you imagine me vidding it? The last three weeks were a nightmare of a sort. I had to go through this story over and over again, and it didn't get any easier. Every second beat of this vid was like a scorching hook through my heart.
I could say that's I'm sorry it made you feel this way, but I'm not: I think we need this for now.

The unexpected coda really worked for me emotionally because I kept thinking it was over and then there was more--and that's kind of fitting given that Kara's abuse cycles keep on coming. That look she gives Cain! And oh the way she shakes herself awake in horror! Waaahhhh!

The "I don't know why, but I have a lot of faith in you" line and the ending with Cain were what I saw halfway through this vid. It shaped into the intro too. There is a lot of subtext in Adama ordering her to murder Cain, and Cain getting sort of fascinated with Kara as a pilot and a tactician; one that is hard to even think about, but it's still there.

I know you had qualms about it but watching it, I am so much IN the story that I do not feel the presence of the author at all.

I'll take that as a compliment. I didn't want the viewers to know what making it cost me, it shouldn't be public. For a moment I was actually very worried that it would show.

The external footage feels totally integrated to me--the shot of the little girl throwing her hands in her air is what first broke me, I wanted to lift her up and rescue her. There is so much fragility in that one brief triumph--I saw all Kara's other moments of triumph in that shot, and suddenly it was obvious to me how beneath that 'whoo hoo, I'm a hotshot!' feeling there was so much pain.

I'm so relieved that external source feels right! You know how it scares me that I might mess up...

I didn't want to focus on her relationship with her father for too long in this one as I think it's a subject for another story. But I wanted to try to make it visible in a few shots how different things were for her when he was around, when he was teaching her to ride a bike or play the piano, or when he would just hold her in his arms and she wouldn't want the feeling to end. That little triumph shot is very much connected to that. And Kara's other disappointments stem from those first ones. She could get tough and closed to the entire world, yes, but she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained, silent and lone; only then she could try getting truly willingly intimate with someone.

I feel like you built a completely coherent narrative here about Kara's adolescence as well. I would loooove you to do the same with Lee. I don't know where you found the footage, but it was so perfect.

Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;)

I hope I'll be able to paint Lee's story as well. At least I've got a map for that one in my head. It'll take time for me to recover from this vid though.

I saw a bit of Tyra in Kara there for a moment, btw!

How so? I'm curious, because I think there are certain connections thematically and emotionally too.
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!: Kara/Lee solacebop_radar on October 19th, 2010 12:33 pm (UTC)
I'm not: I think we need this for now.
WE DO. Badly. The show never showed the full horror inherent in this story properly, it treated it as a trivial sensationalist gimmick and they weren't true to the content of that story in that stupid 'reconciliation' in Maelstrom... well you know how I feel about it.

You know how it scares me that I might mess up...
And I'm so excited for you and proud of you that you took this plunge with it! If I didn't know, I wouldn't see your anxiety in this vid because you handle it all so well--your perfectionism pays off!

I shudder to think what this must have taken for you to vid it though. Considering you wrote to me only a few days ago saying you felt unsure if you wanted to show it to anyone, you've managed to push through those emotions very fast!! In some ways maybe that's the only way to do it, push through the storm? Living with this for too long would be... ::shudders::

That little triumph shot is very much connected to that.
The shot of the car pulling out of the driveway really gets to me too. I liked the understatedness with her father--you didn't opt for showing a doe-eyed Kara idolising her father, it felt far more real than that.

she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained,
Mmm, it's very hard. I see Kara (in canon) retreat into herself sometimes and I think she's trying to do that. But I think you always *think* you're free from those things, that the people close to you who have power over you can't hurt you any more than they already have, but in my experience there always IS more... I guess that part of Kara I can understand, the flinching for the next blow part. (That's partly why I found her happy glowy suicide in Maelstrom so reductive)

Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;)
HAAA!! I see them everywhere too. Hee. I never thought of it for that...

You TOTALLY need a time out after this vid. You need... what relaxes you most? You need whatever that is!
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 19th, 2010 08:37 am (UTC)
I love your editing SO MUCH. It's so fluid and so intuitive and you built these little beats between beats of the music, and you integrate still moments so well.

Thank you! I'm a perfectionist, I do everything I can where vidding's concerned. Well, except for figuring out how to make the image quality better.

The last time I was this affected by anything was after reading the first book of Chaos Walking. Ironically I read it at the hairdressers too!

Oh, I've never read it. You think I should try?
I usually cry in public transport at the most inconvenient of moments. That can get really embarrassing for me.

Thanks a lot for letting me know that you watched! I didn't realise I was holding my breath until I got your comment. *hugs*
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!: Clois hugbop_radar on October 19th, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
except for figuring out how to make the image quality better.
We can work on that! If *I* can work it out, you TOTALLY can!

You think I should try?
Um, maybe? It is a young adult series by Patrick Ness. I think it is one of the best written pieces of fiction I've read in any genre in the last couple of years--the ideas are very original. I've recommended it to several people--no one seems to like it *quite* as much as me, but most people appreciate the writing at least. ;) The third book was a bit of a let down for me, but it's a little bit BSG-esque (when BSG was still good!) in being sci fi and raising a lot of moral and political questions about human behaviour.

I cry everywhere/anywhere too. It's not as bad as when I was younger and actually depressed (I'd cry about 8 hours a day--hee!) but spontaneous tears still can take me by surprise at times.

*HUG HUG HUG HUG*
emmiere: Kara: escapeemmiere on October 19th, 2010 02:56 am (UTC)
Wow, this is an incredibly powerful and chilling narrative. So much that I'm still sitting here with no idea what to say.

It's amazingly edited, with all the parallels of how she connects to people and all the reaching, broken hands. That little girl raising her arms in victory just rip something out of me because I can see Kara right then. I don't feel like I'm watching external source at all.

m_a_r_i_k_s: KL_minim_a_r_i_k_s on October 20th, 2010 06:44 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! Little Kara's story leaves me speechless too.

That little girl raising her arms in victory just rip something out of me because I can see Kara right then.

She's so openly ecstatic right at that moment, and fearless, isn't she? It's beautiful... and terrifying because we also know how vulnerable that kid is.

I don't feel like I'm watching external source at all.

I think it's the best praise this vid could get: I was so restless and worried about the way it would be perceived by the viewers, like never before. I'm relieved that I managed to make external footage feel like it belongs. Thank you!
Dualbunnydualbunny on October 19th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
Very powerfully done. :} I loved how you integrated all of that additional source--it fleshed out such a chilling view on her childhood. And the song has a creepy nostalgic undertone to it that worked perfectly.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 19th, 2010 08:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Another pilots' fan recced the song, and I thought what a great choice it would be to make a kid_Kara vid showing her childhood's version of hell. *shudders* I'm still trying to process that I finished it.

I'm glad the outer source footage feels fitting.

Love I'm Not Dead by the way! She deserved so much better in S4.
jarrow: bsg-starbuck_blurjarrow on October 19th, 2010 04:33 am (UTC)
This is absolutely stunning and had me sucked in from moment one. Going to rec immediately.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 19th, 2010 08:46 pm (UTC)
Hi Jarrow! Thank you so much for watching and reccing the vid! I felt very uncertain about external footage here as it was the first time I attempted to merge it with BSG stuff, so it's reassuring to know that it worked in terms of editing and emotional narrative.

I keep telling myself that when I'm strong enough I'll leave detailed feedback on Tandemonium, but I keep faltering somehow. Bop sent me a link right after she watched it because... I guess because she felt like sharing, also because we both have similar issues with S4 - and I ended up watching the vid over and over again, getting shaky and overly emotional. It's the best vid out there that addresses what pile of crap they turned my favorite show into I think. So simple bravo! wouldn't be enough. Thank you for making it, sharing with others. Very brave of you to present it at VVC too!
jarrow: bsg-starbuck_blurjarrow on October 20th, 2010 03:56 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you so much! I'm still frustrated at what happened to our show. *sigh* Maybe someday we'll be at peace with it.
The sanest lunatic you've ever met: bsg: how she shinessdwolfpup on October 19th, 2010 04:56 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was painful but excellently done.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 19th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you for watching! And commenting) It was hard to complete, but it sort of needed to be, you know? Kara sure as hell deserved the truth to be acknowledged.

I watched I Am The Lion recently btw (Bop_radar recced it, I'm lucky to have her pointing me in the direction of great stuff). I need to go comment on it. But briefly, I thought it was a wonderful piece of vidding: very difficult to watch because of my personal issues with Adama's character, him getting validated as a huge frakking hero despite his never ending autocracy and egotism, but so cathartic at the same time! Thank you for making it! I'm one of those people who need to work through her painful emotions about the way the show ended and what it did to our favorite characters; and vids such as I Am The Lion or Tandemonium by Jarrow may be very helpful.
The sanest lunatic you've ever met: bsg: emo billsdwolfpup on October 28th, 2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
him getting validated as a huge frakking hero despite his never ending autocracy and egotism

I can empathize with that SO MUCH. It's exactly how I feel. Thank you for the feedback!
(Deleted comment)
m_a_r_i_k_s: KL_minim_a_r_i_k_s on October 20th, 2010 12:34 pm (UTC)
First off, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a lot of fun and manage to spend it with your favorite people).

Thanks a lot for your feedback. I'm glad you noticed different visual metaphors. Hands' imagery is crucial in the vid, as it serves to channel the notion of damage guidance and also the craving for being connected to something larger than one can be, a treacherous urge to feel protected; I tried to address Kara's inner confusion and conflict, how she keeps contradicting herself in what she wants and needs to have. And yes, objects like different kind of weapons and glass... mirrors - have their own message in this.

Thank you for letting me know that external footage seems to work in the overall tone and narrative!
(Deleted comment)
Melissa: Kara/Lee kissingmelissa_pbfan on October 20th, 2010 06:52 pm (UTC)
This is amazing. This could perfectly explain why Kara is so self-destructive.

Truly excellent.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on October 22nd, 2010 09:19 am (UTC)
Thank you for letting me know you what you think!
It was disturbing to create this vid, but I think I needed acknowledgment of what had been done to her. Maelstrom is beautiful at times (mostly because of the acting), and crushing, but also very simplistic when it deals with Kara's relationship with her mother imo.
лиса: angsty Deanlisichechka on October 20th, 2010 09:54 pm (UTC)
Finally managed to watch this vid and wow. It's painful to watch but so true to Kara's story.
I found *non-canon* material very appropriate because sadly *in canon* we had so not enough in visual.


'cause I could never stand the message that violence is good and anyone who refuses to accept that is simply blind to the fact that people who use it have only their victim's best interests at heart, and therefore it should be embraced.
So much this! I hate it when they present a very painful, ugly but real theme in the show and then drop it pretending that any insta-fix can fix it and everything is okey-dokey now. It looks like an insult. All i can tell to those showrunners is go to fucking schrink and fix your head before you plan to use these themes in your show. Sorry, i needed to rant.
m_a_r_i_k_s: Redm_a_r_i_k_s on November 20th, 2010 05:22 pm (UTC)
А чего это мы по-английски? Тебе не влом?)

В общем, ты меня извинишь, что я на родном отвечаю, устала, так быстрее будет и расслабленнее. Сама догадываешься, какой ценой мне этот клип дался... а может и нет. В общем, я до сих пор не могу сесть и начать делать что-то другое. Он меня выжал как лимон. До сих пор не могу посадить себя ответить на некоторые комментарии по нему, потому что это требует соприкосновения с материалом сильного, а я к нему не готова... это как гири тягать эмоционально.

В общем, страшно самой смотреть на эту историю девчонки, которую физически и морально покалечили и внушили, что это все во благо и так и должно быть и впредь. И на становление ее на ноги... как из насилия матери выросло насилие уже не физическое, а психологическое, а затем и сексуальное (уверена, что Каре сразу с этим пришлось столкнуться в определенном возрасте и научиться выживать по-просту). Я могла много чего не показывать и не подчеркивать в этой работе, но почему-то это было бы избеганием, мне кажется. Может у меня протест к авторскому извращению 3его 4ого сезона перебарщивает, не знаю, но я должна была хотя бы в трех минутах отразить правду, как я ее ощущала все эти годы.

Сложно поверить и принять то, что такое тяжелейшее... казалось бы неисправимое прошлое Каре не позволили открыть ни одной живой душе на борту Галактики... а ведь все это должно было быть вписано золотыми буквами в канон - ее восстановление психики... по крупицам, каждая из которых была бесценна... с Ли, с Хило, с Сэмом, с Шэрон той же.
лиса: KLlisichechka on November 23rd, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)
Гы, ну да, по-русски нормально :) Это меня клинит иногда з если пост на англе, то я и в ответе что-то там пытаюсь накорябать на англе :)

Нет, я понимаю, как тяжело было вообще даже подумать о том, чтобы это сделать. Все же снова пришлось через себя пропускать, а тема такая...

Я могла много чего не показывать и не подчеркивать в этой работе, но почему-то это было бы избеганием, мне кажется
Imo, ты показало все верно. Нет смысла чего-то *избегать*, если уж взялась за такую тему. Показывая такую грязь и уровень страданий уже не отворачиваешься, не зачем. И я не знаю, что там авторы имели в виду (и знать не хочу), это то, как я её чувствовала, то есть, как они же мне её и показали, я же не из воздуха это взяла. Бесит, когда сначала презентуют канон и в нем нечто, что цепляет за живое, дают этому прорасти в тебя, а потом делают вид, что это так, фигня, они ничего такого и не думали, изменяют собственный канон и отмахиваются от тех, кому это неприемлемо, как от назойливых мух :(

а ведь все это должно было быть вписано золотыми буквами в канон - ее восстановление психики...
This! Почему они проходят мимо ими же поднятых тем, притворяясь, что их нет - не имею понятия. Но это уже тенденция. Будто такие серьезные темы, главное, такие интересные темы, поднимаются только для сиюминутного тыкания зрителя - дескать, смотри, какие мы смелые, а потом смелости довести до логического конца не хватает и все летит... в общем, ты знаешь, куда оно все летит :( Это могло бы быть самой важной линией сериала, как по мне. Неужели это не одна из главных тем в литературе вообще - тема становления личности/восстановления личности несмотря на все преграды? разве это не менее интересно, чем какие-то там консервные банки с все равно притянутыми за уши проблемами? *rollz eyes*
brokenmnemonic: BSG - Kara - Betweenbrokenmnemonic on November 1st, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
This vid has been… difficult… for me to leave feedback for. As I've mentioned when we've been chatting, it pushes a lot of my buttons… it leaves me feeling raw and building, suffused with anger from the frustration that I can't do anything to help the child in the vid, and wanting to do something that could ease some of that pain for at least a little while.

So… not a comedy vid.

I've listened to the conglomeration of voices that forms the first 25 or so seconds of this vid; it wasn't until I saw the end of the vid the first time that I realised these were voices running through Kara's mind, but having listened to it several times, having tried to filter individual voices out of the mix, it sounds as if most of the important figures in Kara's life are there. Adama, Cain, Leoben, her mother… maybe it's just my hearing, but I couldn't hear Lee in there, or Anders. Despite the lack of harmony, the voices still manage to form a chorus of disappointment, persistent and corrosive criticism. Is that what runs through Kara's mind so much? It would explain some of the more extreme manifestations of behaviour, but also it makes an interesting backdrop for the way that she moves between trying so hard to please, and doing everything she can to show that she doesn't care what's said.

The opening sequence actually made me smile, initially; I could almost call It "Kara at play", but seeing a young Kara delighting in sports, seeing her standing up to whoever the boy is, see her watching her father… it creates a strong image of a child who was happy for a time, and that non-canon footage you've chosen works with the footage from Resistance to show how threads of that child are still in place, in the way Kara can exult in some things. I'm still pondering how the footage you've got of Kara's frenzied painting on board the Demetrius meshes with the earlier footage, but it makes the image of the child, restless in her fathers arm, feel like foreboding, like something is already missing that needs replacing.

The look on Kara's face as she picks the scissors up on the floor, mixed with images from the scrapbook and her encounter with Simon provide that building sense of discord, of things breaking; Interspersing the flickering channels of Simon's hand pointing towards her fingers and the flashes of some ghostly form reaching out across the bed feel like a ghost of past pain, clawing at her mind even though Kara tries to ignore it; trapped on Caprica, or trapped inside her own mind, there's nothing to drown them out.

The footage of the child being struck, of Kara's fingers, of the young Kara being held… I'm not sure I have the words. You highlight the image of her as a child so starkly, being punished and brutalised and yet still looking for her mother's affection; the coldly-lit clips of Kara with her face in shadows, examining her hand, the dress, the images of red paint mingling with blood. Disappointment, and pain… a razorwire mix of punishment and blame.

Two thirds of the way in, and Kara's a young adult, and the cycle's continuing; we see that she knows only too well what Kendra's weakness is, and she's harsh in response, but we then also see that fractured family in the years before Kara left to study at the academy. Domestic violence and events outside her control again, but still she battles; does she know what she's doing as she swings the bottle? Does she know that she'll be knocked down again? Does it matter? The way you follow that barrage of images with a sequence where Kara's life is outside her control again, where others have dominance over her no matter how hard she struggles, be they gods or prophets or Cylons, shows the strain that she's under… that her life has continued to feature being powerless.

You show the flames of anger, as things flicker back and forth from that sequence of childhood punishment through her conflicts with so many others. Your use of the shattered mirror from the farm is every bit as chillingly evocative as that of her broken hand earlier; there's no-one else in the shot now, and Kara looks away from her own reflection, but we can see the breaks. We can see the jagged lines, see the child running even as Kara's pulled away inside that prison.
brokenmnemonic: BSG - Silhouettebrokenmnemonic on November 1st, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
There's a grim sense of irony in the way you choose to make the last words of the vid "I am so very proud of you", delivered by the woman Kara was sent to kill. It's no wonder that she's driven to irrationality at times, but more than that… in choosing those parting words, you bring a sense of just how unfinished and unresolved Kara's issues with her mother really were. Just like her character, they got no real closure on the show – not even any real discussion, just a glib pasted-over plot device that did a disservice to the character. This vid does more work in three and a bit minutes to explore Kara's broken childhood than the show did in five years.

I should probably say something about the technical sides of the video, but I find my emotional response to it drowns out much of my ability to think about such things. I will say that I think it's the most seamless, organic use I've ever seen of canon and non-canon footage; the images from Kara's past even look like BSG footage, if a little washed out… but that desaturated look matches ,any of the flashbacks in canon.

I need chocolate.
nytel: Actors - Katee - Close Upnytel on November 17th, 2010 01:28 am (UTC)
Sorry it took me so long to get around to watching this. But I just wanted to say, I absolutely loved it. Definitely dark, and it made me ache for Kara, but it was the perfect vid for the subject matter. Amazing work.
m_a_r_i_k_s: KL_minim_a_r_i_k_s on November 19th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks a lot for letting me know you watched! I know it's not easy to process such dark material, but it's part of who Kara is, I couldn't help going there; I think it had to be made no matter how hard. The song moved me very much the first time you posted it to share with us and I was planning to make a Kara vid to it ever since.