On The Crossroads Of Universe

Vidlets time, part II

2009-09-07T23:33:56Z

Music: Tubthumping
Artist: Chumbawumba
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: Ka D'Argo, some John
Prompt: Farscape, Ka D'Argo, Tubthumping by Chumbawumba
Download link: www.sendspace.com/file/6mr0e1

Notes: This is a classic Dargo video made within two free evenings. It has turned out to be much longer than a 20 seconds vidlet, almost a full-length vid. I hope you'll enjoy.

Vidlets time, part I

2009-09-07T16:36:09Z

Music: The Rascal King
Artist: Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Fandom: BSG
Spoilers: S1-2
Characters: Tom Zarek and Co.
Prompt: BSG, Tom Zarek, The Rascal King, by Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Download link: www.sendspace.com/file/1nw62w

Notes: How bad is it that the first 30 seconds of a video, however trivial it might be, in a very very long time that I produce are still made to the same damn source?

Still. I consider it a huge personal progress. Who's going to be next to vid? Bill Adama, whose behavior I couldn't stand at times? Baltar? I don't actually care so long as one day it will allow me to try vidding pilots again.

Oh, and just to let you know if some of you are wondering... I am aware of the fact that some of S4 footage could be very fitting in this case, but turns out I still can't stomach using it, sorry.

So much for trust

2009-03-22T20:45:03Z

I need to get my unhealthy reaction to the last few hours of BSG off my chest I guess. I apologise for bad spelling mistakes and general incoherence in advance.

I knew I could end up being one of the most crushed people in the fandom. Yes,

bop_radar and many others were absolutely right, the risk and hopes weren't worth it.

If I got my brain anatomized by someone like Scorpius from Farscape and was lying under a scalpel risking to loose many fragments of my memory and had to choose which I’d like to be left untouched and which not, the first thing I’d wish to forget once and for all would be the final two hours of BSG that I was foolish enough to yield to my friend’s persuasion and watch yesterday. If I was a prophet or had some extrasensory abilities to know exactly how this show ends, I’d suggest all the hundreds and maybe thousands of shippers out there to stay away from it like from a plague and never ever watch it. I’d pay money for someone to take back THE images from my head now.

The way I feel right now… I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s very much like Lee who woke up in the field on New-Caprica in that morning sunlight only to be kindly greeted by his father with the news five minutes later. Only it’s worse, there’s no fucked-up yet understandable reasoning behind recent ugliest writing moves. What TPTB did is so unspeakable, so unfathomable, so unforgivably cruel stupid and contemptible that I’m left wondering if it is all just the worst nightmare imaginable and maybe I’ll wake up soon. My heart and stomach are a huge well of… let me tell you, the most magical poison of all time. Wanna know the recipe? It’s a combination of numbness, cutting coldness, resentment, no, scratch that – frustration and helpless hatred, downright RAGE that doesn’t know its way out. I feel shattered to pieces and cheated, used by someone and thrown away in the trash can… and profoundly indescribably hurt. I hate myself for being weak enough to burst into weeping like a wounded animal over something so trivial as a tv-show. “It’s just a damn tv-show!!” – has become my internal mantra I’ve been willing myself to believe in for the last two days. Only it doesn’t work. I cook, I take my dog for a walk, I even read some studying materials, I talk to those people who need to hear me by the phone and whom I naturally don’t have any desire to hear right now, I clean up my apartment – all of it like a zombie.

The natural uncontrollable part of me just wants RDM to pay in whatever form the universe will decide appropriate, wants him to see at least to some extent what he did to the huge part of the audience that is currently experiencing gut wrenching emotions similar to mine. The remnants of a rational me whisper that it doesn’t matter and it won’t change anything though.

In just an episode he ruined one of the most amazing female characters, whose development potential knew no boundaries. Kara Thrace is a fucking fairy, guys… and you can kiss your 40+something bucks goodbye if you bought S4 DVDs (I’m so glad I didn’t!). But the moral and emotional damage is far greater than financial. Turns out Kara just didn’t exist in this season; Lee was obviously raving and his scenes with her, including one of the most beautiful L/K scenes in Six Of One - are no more real than Roslin’s drug-induced visions or prophesies about the dying leader. Why didn’t I pay attention to that deleted scene from S3, the alternative ending, in which she appeared in Lee’s room out of nowhere? At least THIS makes sense now – they didn’t know the whos and whys and what to do with her at all, they were just afraid of the ratings drops or whatever, so they Had to bring her back just to make us watch. What a shame – there’s zero explanation for anything in DB2 – starting from Kara’s resurrection to the third power that’s been manipulating everything behind the scenes. Fuck free will and cylons actions repercussions, fuck the question of genocide and its repercussions because apparently Hera is Eve and we can all start frakking like bunnies and live happily ever after. And Lee with Kara… this is such a deep personal betrayal I’m speechless. Why couldn’t you let us live through her death, grieve with Lee one last time and be done with it, you son of a bitch?! And can someone explain to me why did she even have to die in the first place?! I thought it was all part of her development that was meant to lead her to the next level of healing and emotional trust in relationship. Instead – RDM shitted on his once favorite adorable character.

And you don’t want to get me started about what they did to Lee with his realization of Kara being not exactly Kara but some mythical creature… How did you like him standing in that field left alone, huh? How cruel and ABOMINABLE was to do THAT to him? And how many times now?! I’ve lost count. Oh, and did RDM necessarily have to have Kara-the-phantom leave him right at the moment that the happy smile started radiating from his face as he went on about his drive to explore and some such so we could see his gutted facial expression a sec later?! I feel so sick! My Lee, my dear Lee… it’s a blessing that turned an unprecedented curse to be able to see the world through your eyes.

And the worse part is that the fact pilots parted their ways doesn’t make any sense yet I can’t erase the look on Lee’s face when he turned around from my mind, those deep blue eyes full of pain are stuck forever in my head.

And I won’t say anything ranty about those flashbacks because their message is just sickeningly unacceptable for me. I don’t buy this pigeon thing and ‘setting her free’ or whatever other genius point Moore thought he was going to make. My canon finale is the end of S3: TSAR and Lee during Baltar’s trial. That’s it.

“There are no do-overs, no second chances to make things right if you frak them up the first time” is literally the story of Lee and Kara… Too much hurt and abuse followed them and made them emotionally distrustful, they both made their irreversible mistakes. Their bad cycle hasn’t been fully broken (thanks to RDM) and truthfully neither has the human/Cylon cycle of war and violence.

Jamie and Katee were brilliant as usual, their chemistry is undeniable and one of the greatest tragedies of this show is that TPTB never fully realized what a golden mine they had in their hands, what a unique magic clay to shape natural beauty from. Anyone of us could’ve done a much better writing job and at least give the pilots their due. They deserved much better than THIS > The stupidity of what Moore wrote leaves me speechless.

I’m convinced that such chemistry on screen these two have is a once in a lifetime opportunity for any writer to have to work with. It’s an honor and a privilege as well as huge luck. I’ve seen plenty of other pairings in different shows and nothing even begins to equal Lee and Kara together imo. They’re five-dimensional and the intensity of the connection they share is phenomenal, people! There are no boundaries for these characters' exploration, each step makes way for the next one.

I still feel that Lee’s my favorite male character on tv ever and I take my hat off to Jamie for being able to keep saying positive things about this show. Is it bad luck that all of his characters end up dead or worse – in Lee’s case – emotionally massacred and left all alone?

I keep telling myself that healing just takes time. Deep down I know that one day I’ll be able to sit down and rewatch the first seasons of BSG. But not now. I can’t even look at pilots anymore without heartache too intense to bear! My heart is crushed. My mind still knows that once… BSG was truly brilliant and subtle like no other show – once BSG was the best television and SciFi drama. Maybe someday, in a few months or years I’ll find myself willing to renew the best parts of the journey in my memory. Today my hands and body are shaking when I start thinking about L/K first scenes from the miniseries. Today I’m trying to dissect, to delete most of the music that reminds me too much from my mp3-player, put S1-3 DVDs in the last row on my upper shelf, get some distance and forget what I need to forget.

Oh, and as for my vidding? What can I say… BSG formed me as a vidder, guys, I never wanted to create anything nearly as much as I did in this fandom within the frames of this particular universe. The finale made me feel like all of my work is worth scum. Right now I think I’m done for good.

Defining reality...

2009-03-15T09:32:35Z

You know what, guys? Let’s draw the fine line between what’s real and what’s not. I think the streams of bile and nervousness currently flooding this fandom are bordering on the ridiculous... Stop for a moment and think how absurd it is that some Q&A session’s being discussed and obsessed over much more than the actual episode we watched last Friday/Saturday, which, by the way, proved to be absolutely great imo!

Now, I want to (((HUG))) all my fellow shippers and say: quit breaking and aching in your hearts right before the last chapter of our story and just watch it, watch it with your eyes, believe what’s happening on screen, not some crazy interpretations and dubious wording that are likely to change next day or the day after that as it had happened on more occasions than I care to count. I’ve been through dozens of Katee’s interviews, her comments about Scar being the end of pilots, about them being soul-mates and many other positive or negative completely contradictory things that she’s been stating over years. I survived all of them. And I will certainly not make the same mistake of believing her words for a hundredth time prior to the end of the show and let it ruin my mood. I’ll believe something when I see it. Especially since everything we saw on screen in the last two episodes and even before that wildly disproves her opinion/interpretation.

The crucial questions is how the writers will present this closure.

So make your own conclusions, trust your own eyes and remember that RDM and David Eick have repeatedly made it perfectly clear that the ending, tragic as it might be, is all about Lee and Kara in a romantic kind of sense.

I’ll say no more about it. Now back to the episode discussion…

BSG Video: Life Is Beautiful by Sixx A.M.

2009-03-06T00:02:48Z

Special thanks should go to our magnificent arielmoondance, who suggested me to use this song. BTW, Jenn, I should probably warn you that this one might be more angsty than I originally envisioned. That's just the reflection of how the show's been affecting me lately, I guess.

Also, credit for shiny caps, which I used as stills, goes to ez_as_pi .

Characters: Kara, Lee and others (Kat, Bill, Kendra, Cheif...) as background characters
Song: Life Is Beautiful
Artist: Sixx A. M.
Spoilers: up to the Blood On The Scales with minor usage of the last few episodes footage
File Size: about 41 mb
Warnings: space battles, death, destruction
Summary: They have been living with constant sense of loss, threat and death around them since forever it would seem. This is a story about what keeps them going and how they deal with life, its beauty or complete lack thereof when it affects them personally.

Download/Youtube links as well as vidder's notes and lyrics are under

Download: axifile or sendspace
Youtube: here

Vidder's notes:

I'm not sure I'll ever want to make an ensemble BSG vid again, because the message this show seems to be trying to sell is unbelievable for me and frustrating to say the least. But this vid's not an ensemble vid, so making it has been some sort of a refuge from canon for me lately, guys. Part of me wonders why I still bother, another one keeps persisting drawing strength from sheer Lee-like self-contradiction and stubbornness. I'll be quick and will just add that I hope this vid helps some of you to remember the show you used to enjoy wholeheartedly, others - to continue to enjoy it or back away from the ledge that the last couple of episodes ensured you'd want to stand on. If anything, many of us are still on board because of pilots.

Enjoy and comment please if you watch and download. :)

Life Is Beautiful

You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood
to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

</lj></lj>

New BSG vid: Diamonds

2009-02-04T21:53:57Z

Song: Diamonds
Artist: Sunrise Avenue
Characters: Kara, Gaeta, Laura, Lee, some Bill and secondary characters such as Anders, Helo,
Racetrack, Leoben, Sharon, Dee, Zarek, Chief and others
Warnings: people dying, brutality, angst, some shipping; but all in all, this is not a happy vid
Spoilers: up to The Oath
File size: about 35 mb

Download links, notes and lyrics -

Download links: axifile, megaupload or sendspace
Youtube link: here

Vidder's notes:

My other vid has been completely put on hold after the last episode of BSG. So this is just another of my biased looks at the Human/Cylon conflict for those who want to see my take on how the fleet really got to the point of starting a mutiny and killing their own. Watch at your own risk. I'd say no matter how this tragedy ends there's no clean party.

I doubt there will be another show in my lifetime that will make me forget to eat just to sacrifice all my free time (partly sleep time) on the altar of producing vids in a matter of days or weeks. Can you believe it's possible? I still can't.

Comments are appreciated!

***
DIAMONDS

You woke up to hate your life again
Feeling it’s all been said and seen today
Woke up to fake your smile again
You’re not the one; you’re not the one

You feel bittersweet when others win
You’d rather see them fall than gain a thing
You know you’re too afraid to fail
You’re not the one; you’re not the one

Slowly, slowly, more away ‘cause…

Maybe the diamonds are not for everyone
Maybe the lie you live is really all they want
You stay silent watching all dreams around you fading
Slowly, slowly, slowly more away

I can’t believe a thing you say
Can you? The words don’t come out easily
I can’t believe it’s all right to cry for what you never lost now
You’re not the one

Slowly, slowly, more away ‘cause

Maybe the diamonds are not for everyone
Maybe the lie you live is really all they want
You stay silent watching all dreams around you fading
Slowly, slowly, slowly more away

What the returning of BSG did to my muse: New L/K video

2009-01-20T21:33:13Z

Song: When You Say Nothing At All
Artist: Ronan Keating
Characters: Lee, Kara
Pairings: Lee/Kara
File size: about 20 mb
Spoilers: up to 4x11 Sometimes A Great Notion
Summary: "You say it best when you say nothing at all"
The main focus of this video is Pilots' relationship from the end of S3 up until midseason 4.

Vidder's notes: Actually, I think it's a miracle what the returning of BSG (and Pilots in particular) did to my muse. I woke up Sunday morning with this song playing over and over in my head and I had some supernatural urge to make a video to it ASAP. All things forgotten - the last few nights I spent working on it like a maniac to the detriment of my other responsibilities. I've never done anything like this before, all my previous videos required weeks or months of work, but this one just didn't allow me to think too much, instead I felt like the mood and the idea itself just needed to be shared or else they would've been lost...

Download/Youtube links of my most spontaneous work of all time and the song's lyrics
Download links:
Axifile & Sendspace,Youtube.

Enjoy! :) Your comments are always appreciated.

***
When You Say Nothing At All

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

Vid rec: "Love Lockdown"

2009-01-15T13:52:13Z

You know what amazes me? The level of emotional response this video evoked in me despite the fact that I don't even like Cain/Gina storyline *that much*. So just go and watch it now - you will appreciate it; it's a beautifully done work, the song is great, the editing and what obsessive24 did with Razor+S2 footage (limited as it may be) to tell this personal story, which could be easily projected onto the general Human/Cylon conflict level, are mind-blowing.

New Video: Illusion & Dream

2009-01-09T18:30:38Z

Song: Illusion & Dream
Artist: Poets Of The Fall (I'm not obsessed, honestly! :D Blame the band for writing such wonderful songs)
Characters: Lee and Laura in a very canonical way, glimpses of Kara, Cain, Baltar, Bill and others
Spoilers: up to 4x10 Revelations !

Download/Youtube links, lyrics and vidder's notes below

Download links: axifile or sendspace
Youtube link: here
Vidder's notes:

One of the things that I liked about S4 was that it didn't drop the ball on Lee and Laura's relationship. I'm very glad that the last 13 episodes (from Baltar's trial on) gave me an opportunity to fully explore their mutual journey.

I have to say, I've been a fan of Laura and Lee's dynamics since the miniseries and obviously, I love both characters. It is their dedication to what they're doing, mutual respect and open willingness to criticize one another's judgment and actions when they think those should be questioned that fascinate me, the way they strive for making things better, sacrifice, argue and defend their viewpoints, the way they betray each other's trust and still keep coming back and restoring faith in one another.

That said, whereas this video brings up lots of strong personal feelings of both Laura and Lee, I'm not trying to make a point by persuading you that one of the POVs is the only right one. Quite on the contrary. So if you're looking for a scapegoat in their misunderstandings, if you have an urge to blame and accuse, do me a favor and do not try to explain me how amorally autocratic and blind Roslin is or how cruel, easily manipulated and childishly emo Lee is. I've heard it all before. And I don't agree. :) It also means you came to the wrong league, and again I say - I love *both* of these extremely strong and complex characters. Sure enough, they have many flaws, but it makes them even more real and appealing to me a lot of the times.

So I welcome you to join me and see the story in a very specific form of dialogue. It's the first time I took a song and transformed it into two part polemics from different points of view, while trying to tell a story of mutual trust, personal betrayals and differences at the same time.

***

Поскольку значительная часть русскоязычного фандома состоит из преданных фанов Лоры Розлин, мне кажется необходимым прокомментировать этот клип и по-русски тоже. Этот клип фокусируется на взаимоотношениях Ли и Розлин, максимально близких к канону, причем в форме двучастного диалога-полемики, в каждом из куплетов я как автор, своего рода "даю высказаться" персонажам поочередно. Клип затрагивает глубоко личные чувства и переживания, и должна подчеркнуть, что я в данном случае преследовала своей целью показать историю Лоры и Ли с двух совершенно разных точек зрения, создать более-менее целостную картину, подняться над происходящим и посмотреть с высоты орлиного полета, так сказать, чтобы передать всю красоту динамики отношений двух персов, а не искать козла отпущения чьих-то бед, проблем и разочарований.

Мне нравились взаимоотношения этих двух персов с самых минисерий, всегда восхищало их взаимное уважение, доверие, возникшее спонтанно и удивительно естественно, то, что они всегда готовы критиковать поведение друг друга, если оно кажется им по каким-то причинам неправильным, умение аргументировать и отстаивать свою позицию, признавать ошибки и слушать, даже когда очень больно и неприятно и упрямство норовит пересилить... :)

Если вы не любите Ли или Розлин и готовы сразу доказать мне, что один из них белый и пушистый и тотально прав по всем статьям, а другой только и делал, что портил жизнь человеку, который ему доверял всей душой, то сразу могу сказать - что пришли вы не по тому адресу. Я уже неоднократно говорила на это, что в любой ссоре виноваты оба. Могу продолжить развернуто в комментариях :)

Так что любого желающего снять шоры и посмотреть более широко и объемно на историю взаимного доверия, взаимного расположения, личного предательства (с обеих сторон) и становления на путь примирения и воссоединения - я приглашаю нырнуть в "Иллюзию И Сон". Без понимания слов песни этот клип мгновенно потеряет всю свою суть, так что настоятельно рекомендую скачать субтитры тут или тут.

И еще раз, С Днем Рожденья тебя, Ира! :)

***

Illusion & Dream

Look in my eyes I'll make you see
We're drifting aimlessly
Blind in a world of make believe

Hear them sing their songs off key
N' nod like they agree
Buying the need to be discreet

I've got no hand in matters worldly, I hardly care at all
What's going on fails to concern me, Cos I'm locked behind my wall
But you know what drives me out
Out of my mind?!

It's whatever makes you see, makes you believe
And forget about the premonition you need to conceive
That the images they sell are illusion & dream
In other words dishonesty

If I speak Ill, please, humor me
Won't rant on endlessly
Just thought I'd try to make you see

It doesn't solve a thing to dress it in a pretty gown
A stone will not need you to guess if
You're still going to drown
So you know what drives me out
Out of my mind?!

It's whatever makes you see, makes you believe
And forget about the premonition you need to conceive
That the images they sell are illusion & dream
In other words dishonesty

So can you name your demon?
Understand its scheming
I raise my glass and say "here's to you!"
Can you chase your demon?
Or will it take your freedom?
I raise my class and say "here's to you!"

Meet Russian Blue beauty - Dina or simply Dinka

2009-01-08T01:40:19Z

One could say that she's my New Year present - I have weekness for this breed and when we accidentally saw her and my mother insisted on taking her, I simply couldn't resist. I must say I've never had pure-bred pets in my life so this is the first time.

Also... It's been two years since my last cat was gone. I still miss him.

Follow the cut

Lee Adama music and possible videos

2008-12-08T12:24:49Z

I've been thinking about posting something like this for a long time, and given that I often see BSG universe through Lee Adama's eyes and that most of my vids are from his POV, it is reasonable that I have many songs in my mp3-player I associate strongly with his character, songs that I think are really fitting for possible video projects. So here is my playlist that I wanted to share with you. It includes all sorts of songs reflecting different sides of Lee Adama's life. Sure enough a huge part of his life is engraved with Kara's name on it. :) If anyone of you guys finds the playlist worth a listening, you can dl all of it in a zip file or just a few compositions by clicking on them. If anyone wants to dl some song and make a vid to it - feel free to do so, I'd be very happy to see them vidded because no matter how much I would like to, I can't use 90% of the songs I love due to the lack of free time.

Songs, fragments of lyrics and my comments - below

1. Shallow by Poets Of The Fall

"I'm quick to wait, and so to hate / They call me gracious for my patience / And I feel proud under that shroud / And all the while it's all evasion"

This could be a great general Lee video (maybe with a focus on early seasons' Lee); I'd had a long debate with my inner self before making up my mind and deciding to use The Ledge for character study video, Shallow was one of those other 'candidacies'.

2. Selling The Drama by Live

"And to love: a god / And to fear: a flame / And to burn a love that has a name..."

It strikes me as a possible S4 video from his POV with glimpses of far-reaching repercussions of Cylons' brutal actions.

3. Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo

"This one world vision / Turns us in to compromise / What good's religion / When it's each other we despise / Damn the government / Damn their killing / Damn their lies / Hush / It's okay / Dry your eyes / Soulmate dry your eyes"

One of the best songs for Lee's character study video imo. With plenty of footage with Kara of course :)

4. All That I Am by Rob Thomas

"I am the one winged bird for flying / Sinking quickly to the ground / I am the blind man for a watchdog / I am prime for giving in / I'll show you all that I am"

I like to broaden horisons, so you won't hear me saying just Pilots! here. I think this composition could turn out to be a wonderful Adama family video from Apollo's POV. Does he always realise how giving he may be with those he cares the most about?

5. Over by Evans Blue

"You better crawl on your knees / the next time you say that you love me / fall on your knees, cuz this time I won’t be so kind / can't you see that this is life and life is killing me..."

Another example of a great song if you want to explore UB resolution and pilots' relationship in S3. I'm still not sure if Cold was the best choice for the subject.

6. Losing My Religion by R.E.M

"That's me in the corner / That's me in the spotlight, I'm / Losing my religion / Trying to keep up with you / And I don't know if I can do it / Oh no, I've said too much / I haven't said enough"

If you think that I see it as another possible Lee/Kara video, you're wrong. :P Not that the song can't be used for pilots, but I'd love to be able to make it a Father-Son relationship study video. It screams Lee and Bill to me.

7. Hate Me by Blue October (skip the phone conversation)

"Hate me today / Hate me tomorrow / Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you / Hate me in ways / Yeah ways hard to swallow / Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you"

Post UB pilots video from both Lee and Kara's POVs.

8. Away by Breaking Benjamin

"I see you / Cause you won't get out of my way / I hear you / Cause you won't quit screaming my name / I feel you / Cause you won't stop touching my skin..."

I guess the lyrics say it all :)

9. Circle Of Fears by HIM

"If you want to free her from the hurt / Don't do it with your pain / If you want to see her smile again / Don't show her you're afraid / 'Cause your circle of fear is the same"

When I listen to this song I always picture S2 Lee and Kara - a perfect angsty Pilots' Dance: one step forward - two steps back.

10. Overboard by Poets Of The Fall

"When the deal that you made with love is now a one way street / A one way street / And you'll feel you'll go overboard / Cos you're incomplete, incomplete"

I'm not a fan of the 'Quadrangle of Doom' to put it mildly, but this song makes me think of it and look at it from an angle I really like, makes me want to show Kara/Anders and Lee/Dee pairings truly for what they are by contrast to Kara/Lee without compromising. Vid, anyone? :)

11. Divide The Hate by Submersed

"Father may I be shown / The man I have inside / Be shown the way to swallow my pride / I tried / To lie / For the last time..."

Another possible character study video.
I can't tell you how much I love the instrumental intro to this song. If only I had time, I'd edit the hell out of it :D

12. Possession by Evans Blue

"Through this world I've stumbled / so many times betrayed / trying to find an honest word to find / the truth enslaved / oh you speak to me in riddles / and you speak to me in rhymes / my body aches to breathe your breath / your words keep me alive"

Does anybody want to make a video about the king of pining-wanting-to-touch-but-not-touching, a vid full of passion, hopeless jealousy, mutual longing and royal eye-frakking? Oh, and did I mention lots of kissage?

13. Break Me Shake Me by Savage Garden

"'...cause i used to move you in a way that / you've never known / but then i accused you in a way that / you've never known / but you hurt me in a way that i've / never known"

No comments :)

14. The Show Must Go On by Queen

"Empty spaces - what are we living for? / Abandoned places - I guess we know the score.. / On and on! / Does anybody know what we are looking for? / Another hero - another mindless crime. / Behind the curtain, in the pantomime. / Hold the line! / Does anybody want to take it anymore?"

Yes, I love classic.
If you want to make an ensemble BSG video showing different faces and events through Lee's eyes - you know that's your choice, right? :)

A GAME OF THRONES filming gets green light from HBO

2008-11-12T14:44:59Z

G.R.R. Martin has updated his LJ recently and it seems that HBO will start filming the pilot episode for A Game Of Thrones! Yay! I'm really joyful about it and just had to share the news with those of you who don't know yet. Now let's cross our fingers in hope it gets a full season!

Birthday present => new Lee/Kara Music Video: Lift

2008-10-12T13:25:05Z

This is the day brokenmnemonic</lj> was born, the day the world became one good man richer :)

Happy Birthday my dear friend! I wish you to have a wonderful day! Remember how much you are loved and appreciated and to quote a famous song's lyrics - don't worry, be happy! :)

As a matter of fact, I didn't send you anything by mail - I wanted to give you this video as a Birthday present instead. *HUGS*

The video is also for all the shippers as it represents the quintessence of Kara and Lee's relationship and mutual journey.

Download link and lyrics below

Song: Lift
Artist: Poets Of The Fall
Characters: Kara and Lee, Starbuck and Apollo, Pilots, Friends, Soulmates
Spoilers: hmm.. up to 4x04 Escape Velocity, although I think I used a couple of short clips from Revelations Size: 57 mb
Warnings: surely there's Angst with capital 'A', people
Youtube link: here
Download link: axifile or sendspace or rapidshare
Для русскоязычных представителей моего ф-листа - русские титры к клипу (а песня по смыслу важна) можно скачать тут

Commentary:

The story of this video is monumental for me, because it is pretty much what I was vidding for all this time (or at least it was one of the major aims). To make this one. Nevertheless I’ll try to make it shorter for you to read about.

Back in the days when I just started vidding I made this first look into Lee & Kara relationship in my early video Dawn as some of you may remember - that was the time I heard another song by the same band - Lift. And it captured my mind right there and then, flooded my thoughts with imagery I didn't know how to bring together. I loved the song, saw great potential in it and I realised how much it was fitting Pilots, so much that it's become some sort of anthem for them in my head.

But the problem was I simply didn't have enough knowledge of vidding techniques to tell the story the way I wanted to, emphasise some points, so that it would get argumentative and passionate enough, in other words - make the work worthy to my own eyes.

So I was postponing it again and again and again throughout more than two years still remembering the project or the idea of the project from time to time, keeping it at the periphery of my senses and thoughts, waiting for the moment when I could tell myself : “Enough is enough, I am ready”. That moment came after Canta Per Me. Yeah, it’s unbelievable that it took me five months of on and off serious dives into the material to complete this work.

And if it wasn't for Ed's recent essay on Pilots' relationship and why Kara and Lee are the best pairing on television, which I highly recommend to read here, it might not have been finished today. Inspiration is a tricky beast. And I’m grateful it was cooperative enough to let me make a present I wanted to in time.

There are many new things I learned how to do during these months but it would take me too many pages to tell about it here and I don't want to ruin the mood for non-vidders who probably just want to watch the damn video without having to read all my ramblings.

This is the most difficult work I’ve done in vidmaking so far; the vid is about 6 minutes length, which is also way too much by any standards. And moreover, it’s the first video I’ve ever created that has made me sob and cry in pain uncontrollably like some shot animal during editing.

LIFT

***

Times when I just can't
Bring myself to say it loud
'Fraid that what I'll say comes out somehow awry

That is when it seems
We move in circles day to day
Twist the drama of the play to get us by

And it feels like fear
Like I disappear
Gets so hard to steer
Yet I go on
Do we need debate
When it seems too late
Like I bleed and wait
Like nothing's wrong

You lift my spirit, take me higher, make me fly,
Touch the moon up in the sky, when you are mine
You lift me higher, take my spirit, make it fly,
Where all new wonders will appear

Like the other day
I thought you won't be coming back
I came to realize my lackluster dreams

And among the schemes
And all the tricks we try to play
Only dreams will hold their sway and defy

When it feels like fear...
Like I'll disappear
Gets so hard to steer
Yet I go on
Do we need debate
When it seems too late
Like I bleed and wait
Like nothing's wrong

You lift my spirit, take me higher, make me fly,
Touch the moon up in the sky, when you are mine (x2)
You lift me higher, take my spirit, make it fly,
Where all new wonders will appear, oooohhhh

Take me high
Make me fly

My dearest dominar :D

2008-09-22T20:54:27Z

Just had to post this random pic of Rygel in his sad/lonely mode :)

***

Надо же чем-то разнообразить череду фот с Дрэгон Кона. :)

Dragon*Con 2008 Pics: Day Two - BSG panel

2008-09-21T12:23:08Z

We were actually late for the second panel on Saturday (late for queuing in order to get good seats anyway) and so we didn't have the best angle of view to put it mildly. Nevertheless, I rushed along to the first row and sat down on the carpet with my photo camera on tripod to take some pics. Yep, I can be  impudent when it comes to something I really want ;) Not to the extent of walking over other people's heads of course. And I also had some partners in crime)). Unfortunately, a few minutes later a guy from D*C stuff came and asked me to take my seat and I had to go away not to evoke any sense of unfairness in other people with photo cameras. Anyways, here's what my 5 minute catch allows us to savor as a result.

I'm not going to dilate on different subjects the actors touched upon now because I have to go visit my grandma who lives at the other end of the city; as a Russian proverb says - better to see once than hear a hundred times, so for those of you weren't there I'd suggest to check out Wisteria's panel videos here and here. Not the best picture quality obviously, but still it conveys the atmosphere in the Mariott atrium hall and at least gives you an idea about what they where talking and joking about.

Suffice it to say that throughout the whole three and a half day event I was continuously fascinated by James Callis' eloquence and style of speaking, EJO's dedication to the show (he's probably the bigger BSG fan than all of us altogether :) ), Hogan's shyness and deep humble gratitude to the fans, Richard's everlasting love for both original and reimagined Galacticas, their mythology and by his numerous attempts to objectify Zarek's behavior :) , by Aaron's sense of humor and Tamoh's sense of style when it comes to clothes and hats ;P

The rest of the pictures under

Dragon*Con 2008 Pics: First Look At The Fairy Tale and Farscape Panel

2008-09-15T13:03:09Z

So I'm back, swamped with studying and work. Many things happened while I was away and I'm trying frantically to catch up, failing miserably when it comes to things like LJ world. I will be trying to post more pictures gradually. First come D*C Friday's pictures including Farscape panel as promised.

It was a fantastic day for me, probably the most memorable of the whole event, because everything was so new and surreal: crowds of people in costumes of all possible characters and sci-fi/fantasy creatures, breathtaking buildings of Mariott and Hyatt hotels (yes, my father knows enough about architecture to have taught me how to perceive it more three-dimensionally than an average man does; and I'm telling you, these two buildings are something extraordinary, especially their interior design). I wish these photos could give those of you who weren't with us the real feeling of what it's like to be a part of such festival of sci-fi/fantasy geek's soul, but alas!, they only capture the smallest fraction of experience.

Farscape panel was very different from BSG and Firefly panels because the show is already finished and more than 10 years old. Also the fans attending weren't nearly as numerous, although just as dedicated and loyal as ever they were. Considering all of it, the atmosphere was very comfortable and relaxed. There was about 500 (maybe less) people in the room and I got a chance to sit in the first row *yay!* and managed to take some rather good pictures. Don't expect too much from my first day photos though, they're a bit blurry - my hands were shaking from excitement. :D

The guy acting as moderator was David Franklin who plays Lt. (Cpt. - in the last seasons) Braka on Farscape, it added the sense of homeyness and somewhat participation for both parts as he was running in zigzags helping with microphone giving it to different people who were asking questions and answering for himself at the same time. The girls were magnificent! Gigi's voice has nothing to do with Chiana's, she was playing her from top to toe, voice including; Virginia on the other hand has many things from Zhaan in her voice and manners, movements; she's very fond of yoga and spiritual practices and meditations, knows a lot about scents and oils and can talk endlessly about stuff like that. Both are very charismatic in their own ways and good friends, women of of humour - they were igniting the audience with laughter and passion telling stories about filming Farscape, their favorite moments, what they hadn't had a chance to do with their characters but would've liked to, what it was like to be working with Brian Henson, Wayne, Anthony, Ben and Claudia, pointing own how different are australian and american acting schools and traditions... what makes it so difficult for an australian actor to work with american directors and actors for the first time...
They were also sharing their plans for the future. :)

Dragon*Con 2008 Pics: Day One

2008-08-30T13:53:53Z

This is my first day of the first con ever, so I'm not gonna say much guys, I need time. Instead, I'll just share some pictures that I've managed to take. I'm overwhelmed with joy because I got to see some of the shippers and BSG cast!!! (still trying to process that fact :D )... and then some people from Farscape cast!! (eeeeeeeee!) And at the same time I'm super tired after today's 8am flight from NYC to Atlanta. So here comes the first part with pics of BSG panel. I think Farscape can wait till tommorow or whenever I have time to resize the pics upload and post them.

If only Jamie and/or Katee could attend, my happyness would be utter&complete and probably even quite distructful. :)) But who knows, maybe it's the higher power that protects me from heart attack. :D Or maybe I was never meant to see them in person.

This day was a total festival of two fandoms for me. See the guy on the right of Tahmoh? Doesn't his costume remind you anything? Hee. Yeah, it's Commandor Crichton's costume from Farscape :)

Anyway, you can enlarge each of the photos by clicking on them.

Doggy picspam and stuff

2008-07-04T13:41:56Z

Since some of the people on my f-list have been asking me to take pics of my dog and share for quite some time, I thought it was a great opportunity to try to catch Rygel in the still when my sister came to visit with her half professional photo camera. Because you know, he's so fidgety, always in motion - the way most of the dogs are. It makes it really difficult to catch him with a simple phone camera, the pics come out blurred most of the times. So here we go... You can click on the picture to enlarge it. :)

The rest -

All of the pics were taken in the vicinities of Moscow, practically a countryside. Except for the one with a squirrel - that one's in the park area.

BSG Music Video: Canta Per Me

2008-05-14T10:05:21Z

Song: Canta Per Me
Music: Kajuira Yuki
Artist: Kajuira Yuki
Spoilers: up to 4x06 "Faith"
Size: 36,3 mb
Characters: Laura, Bill, Kara, Lee, Sharon, Six, Tyrol, Kendra and others

Download: axifile

Youtube: here

Notes: this is a video that explores different characters' paths whose moral and professional struggles interlace tightly with those close to heart. It's about humans first and foremost and the very human traits in Cylons - maximized, bald and therefore dangerous and destructive most of the times - rarely creative. And... well, it's shippy, this vid practically revolves around the two main BSG ships. Somehow I couldn't help myself and decided to indulge some of you ;)

Comments are shiny :)

Lyrics

***

Canta per me addio

Quel dolce suono

De' passati giorni

Mi sempre rammenta

La vita dell'amore

Dilette del cor mio

O felice, tu anima mia

Canta adagio...

Tempra la cetra e canta

Il inno di morte

A noi si schiude il ciel

Volano al raggio

La vita dell'amore

Dilette del cor mio

O felice, tu anima mia

Canta addio...

La vita dell'amore

O dilette del cor mio

***

Sing for me farewell

What a sweet sound

Of the past days

Remind me always…

The life of love

The delight in my heart

Oh happiness, my beloved one

Sing slowly...

Tighten the lyre and sing

The hymn of death

The sky opens up for us

And they fly along the rays of light

The life of love

The delight in my heart

Oh happiness, my beloved one

Sing me farewell...

The life of love

Oh the delight in my heart

***

Спой за меня на прощание,

Какой нежный звук...

Прошедших дней

Он всегда напоминает мне...

Жизнь любви--

Это то, что больше всего любит мое сердце.

О, моя счастливая душа,

Пой помедленнее!

Грустна четра и песня,

Гимн смерти.

Ах, нет, открываются небеса,

И я медленно лечу.

Жизнь любви --

Это то, что больше всего любит мое сердце.

О, моя счастливая душа,

Спой на прощание!

Жизнь любови...

Только о тебе думаю, сердце мое.

Vid Rec

2008-04-30T23:45:53Z

Today feels almost like my personal holiday, because brokenmnemonic made an excellent Kara video to ‘Thoughtless’ performed by Evanescence. Yay!!! If you like high quality work - please go and watch it, you won’t regret it! And don't forget to comment. Emotionally it's not a light kind of entertainment, but damn, it's one of the best dark-Kara vids I've ever seen. I was on pins and needles waiting for it to be finished and now I think 5 stars wouldn't be enough if I were to appraise this video.

BSG vid: The Ledge

2008-02-04T13:36:03Z

I've finally finished making this Lee video. It's been the main project for me since autumn 2007 and it took me about three months to make. Now I feel kind of fagged out emotionally but relatively satisfied, which is nice – I think one of the most pleasant moments of the process for a vidder is when you give the final touches to your work and you can stop and say “that’s it, no more polishing, it feels right and now I’m going to show it to the people so that they can share the moments of struggle with me the character I plunged in”. So yeah, it’s a character study video, something different from what I made before ‘cause in my previous vids from Lee’s pov the focus was on the main curse/blessing of his life, Kara Thrace.

This work is not a shipper vid, although as you can imagine there’s the author’s bias in it, coming to life through the reflection of an axiom – a big part of Lee’s world revolves around a certain viper pilot).

But it is more like an attempt to have a journey through his life from the center of his inner self; his life, which is a constant struggle between what other people want him to be, what he _thinks_ they want him to be (‘cause sometimes his own interpretation distorts everything) and what he himself actually wants or needs to be; it reflects Lee’s thorny path of defining loyalties, reassessing the main principles of his being, finding them and loosing all over again.

I was trying to be as objective as it’s humanly possible for a person who’s obviously a fan of the character, without finding excuses for Lee’s actions that often aren’t pretty at all, but rather making the viewer think and want to understand his screwed motivations.

Given that it’s a Lee vid, there’s much sharpness in it, the kind of sharpness that usually goes with an outside silence and stillness while everything burns from the inside: logic and heart dictating diametrically opposite ways out of the situations under the pressure of responsibilities and other things. Some of you won’t feel very comfortable while watching it. Maybe the vid will leave you with a feeling of being torn, going astray, but then again it’s a Lee vid - it probably should evoke something like that..

Anyway, I'd love to hear what you think and I hope you'll enjoy).

Song: The Ledge
Artist: Mary Gauthier
Spoilers: till S3 finale
Characters: Lee; Bill, Kara, Dee, Roslin and others
Size: 38,6 mb
Download link: megaupload
YouTube: here

Lyrics: under

THE LEDGE

Under water, under the well
Under glass, under a ground swell
Chasing bliss, chasing my tail
Chasing desire, straight down to hell
I couldn't love, could not forgive
Didn't know how to live and let live
My choices were few
On the ledge, looking up at you

Over drawn, over fed,
Over run, over my head
I held a grudge, I held a gun,
Held contempt for everyone
I couldn't cry, I couldn't learn
I didn't flinch when bridges burned
I was tost, through and through
On the ledge, looking up at you.

I lived alone, I lived In rage
I lived in darkness inside a cage
On the fringe, a refugee
I couldn't trace it back to me
I grew mean, I grew small
I grew tired of it all
I couldn't tell false from true
On the ledge, looking up at you

Out of luck, out of time
Out of control, out of my mind
Running scared, running down
Running low to the ground
The blows were hard, the blows were mean
The blows were low, the blows were clean
I was left black and blue

On the ledge, looking up at you

New crackvid: I'm Your Gun!

2007-10-29T23:44:50Z

Song: I'm Your Gun!
Artist: Alice Cooper
Characters: Kara and Lee
Spoilers: up to S3
Size: 34 mb
Warnings: adult language and innuendo, pilot-porn; you may need to take a cold shower afterwards :)
Notes: this is an attempt to make something different from my usual angst worshipping approach for a change... just to have fun and to lighten the endlessness of this hiatus for all of us.
Take a ride with our pilots! ;)
YouTube: here
Download link: megaupload

Lyrics under the cut

I'm Your Gun!

Performer: Alice Cooper

***
I'm dressed in black -
I'm heart attack
And my draw is lightning quick
If you're looking for a man with a magic hands
I can really do the trick
And if you see me on the street
And you're burnin'from the heat
There's a fire down below
You be the target on the bed
I'll be shooting hot lead
Let me take control
You're scared little girl in this big, bad town
So easy to sink, so easy to drown
Pull my trigger, I get bigger
Then I'm lots of fun
I'm your gun
I'm your gun, gun, gun
Bite my bullet
Push and pull it
Tell me I'm the one
I'm your gun
I'm your gun, gun, gun
Hold on steady, always ready, yeah
Well, I'm as hard as they come
I'm a hit and run
I'm a pistol packin'boy
Better walk real slow
I'm on the edge, y'know
And I'm easily annoyed
If someone's giving you trouble
I'll be there on the double
Just call me on the line
I've got the muscle I can flex
It'll fog your little specs
Till you think you're going blind
I know these streets like scars on my back
And I stay as loaded as this gun on my back
Pull my trigger, I get bigger
Then I'm lots of fun
I'm your gun
I'm your gun, gun, gun
Bite my bullet
Push and pull it
Tell me I'm the one
I'm your gun
I'm your gun, gun, gun
Squeeze it tighter
Aim and fire, yeah!

New BSG vid: Heaven's Not Enough

2007-10-12T21:05:35Z

We've been at war for so long,

sometimes we forget what we're fighting for...

Bill Adama

Song: Heaven’s Not Enough

Spoilers: till season 3 finale

Artist: Steve Conte, “Wolf’s Rain” OST

Characters: Adama, Roslin, Lee, Kara, Tigh and others

Size: 55 mb

Download link: megaupload , axifile

YouTube: here

Summary: since the last volume of our saga is relatively soon to begin, I decided to attempt to explore what really stands behind the magical word “Earth” for bsg characters, how different their personal paradises are.., how very insubstantial a lot of the times…

Hope you enjoy. :)

Lyrics: under the cut

***

Heaven's not enough
If when you get there..
Just another blue
And heaven's not enough
You think you've found it
And it loses you

You've thought of all there is
But not enough
And it loses you in a cloud

"there" most everything is nothin'
That it seems
"where" you see the things you only wanna see

I'd fly away
To a higher plane
To say words i resist
To float away
To sigh
To breathe.... forget

And heaven's not enough
If when i'm there i don't remember you
And heaven does enough
You think you know it
And it uses you

I saw so many things
But like a dream
Always losing me in a cloud

Cause i couldn't cry
Cause i turned away
Couldn't see the score
Didn't know the pain
Of leaving yesterday really far behind
In another life
In another dream
By a different name
Gave it all away
For a memory
And a quiet lie
And i felt the face
Of a cold tonight
Still don't know the score
But i know the pain
Of leaving everything really far behind
And if i could cry
And if i could live what truth i did then take me there
Heaven goodbye

BSG vid: 24

2007-08-29T06:44:32Z

This is my first vid from Kara’s pov, an attempt to see the world from her head, to feel it from her heart. It was never easy to or painless to try and understand neither of my two pilots, but then, that’s one of the reasons I keep trying and become even more convinced that the game is worth the candle.

Personal thanks to brokenmnemonic for driving me crazy by his disbelief in Kara/ lack of faith in her feelings towards Lee. If it wasn’t for him, this vid would never see the light of the day.

Song: 24
Artist: Jem
Spoilers: up to episode 3x18 ‘The Son Also Rises’

Characters: Kara, Lee, Bill, Helo, Anders, Kat
Notes: They say some people feel their death’s approach in advance. They also say, that it’s a common experience to mentally play over your own life a few hours, if not minutes before the moment comes. How did Kara Thrace feel, what was she thinking about?..

Size: 46,6 mb

Download link: megaupload

YouTube: here

Comments are always appreciated :).

ASOIAF favorite characters

2007-06-13T07:31:30Z

This post is inspired by

bop_radarand spinkkittywho made me once again think about stuff I like to think and rant about. Turns out BSG fans have some visible tendencies in their preferences and it makes me smile :)

When it comes to ASOIAF, I can't quite choose who is my only one favorite character, so I come up with an idea to name my favorite five (it's pretty fair, I think, considering how many interesting characters Martin created).

In other words, my Favorite Five would be:

1. Tyrion Lannister - for me he's head and shoulders above the others because he's the most complex imo, very frakked up, emotionally torn from the inside and at the same time very strong clever and resistant.
When I think about this character I always remember his dialog with Jon in the beginning of the series, when he told him something like "every dwarf can be called a bastard, but it's not necessarily for a bastard to be a dwarf" and I remember how he gave Jon an advice to make his blood and background his shield so that no one can ever hurt him. Beautiful interactions they had during those few weeks on the Wall...

If we compared some traits of his character with BSG's heroes, I'd say Tyrion and Kara are similar in many ways. Tyrion is not as self-destructive as she is, but he also has plenty of self-hatred inside and probably he has an even more sharp tongue than she does... he also has a tendency to revolt against the mighty of this world and he's really stubborn).

2. The second is obviously Jon Snow. :) If someone tells me he's pure nobility and honour, I'll say - go seek for his supposed father, maybe he's just risen from the dead and you missed all the fun). --Jon Snow is not Ned Stark, I believe he has more darkness and conflict in him than he can imagine, he just didn't have a chance to fully discover it yet. Remember Igritt (or how do we spell her name correctly?), remember what decision he made when it came to Mance's son... Jon is on the straight road to enter the game of thrones and kingdoms, he's the one who will make hard calls, sometimes wrong calls, but I think he won't repeat his father's mistake: just as Lee Adama is more flexible than his father, Jon has also more abilities to survive the politics by playing dirty at times, soiling his hands and his soul partly.., at least more than Ned or Rhaegar Targaryen (depends on who you ask :)) had.

3. Arya Stark - I can't stop being amazed how frakking resistible this girl is. Her ability to survive is stunning. I like her honesty, her courage and her strong and generous heart. All of that is now eclipsed by the terrible train of events, horrible things she's gone through. But still... she put off all her clothes - and kept her heart and essence - the Needle :)
Wanna know what Kara was like when she was a child? - Here's the picture - Arya in Winterfell. A girl who hates sewing and is obsessed with horse riding, who has an inquiring mind, a freedom-loving creature craving for love. But there's definitely a difference - Arya's parents loved her and never hurt her. At least she had that piece of happiness in her life.

4. Jaime Lannister - a character I fell for only in the third volume. He'd been known as an absolute villain, the Kingslayer - since day one until we had a chance to look into his head and read his thoughts :) I like the dynamics of his character's development, his interactions with Brienne and the symbolism of Bran's drop in both his and the boy's lives.

5. I have my doubts here... but since the last volume of ASOIAF included her pov that I was really fascinated with, I'll name Brienne. :)

One of the secondary characters I liked was Sandor (the Hound). I think stupid as it sounds, I'll never forgive Arya for leaving him... But it's Martin, nothing's pretty and easy in his universe; the author is messing with us a lot of the times... (now you can tell me to shut up and quit complaining since I'm just a masochist enjoying such things as a whole - and I'm afraid I won't be able to quickly find any well-grounded objection :) ).

Well, now that I've put my cards on the table, maybe some of you will share too? Who, why, when and again why - are my favorite questions :) If you want to talk about those of westerosis you dislike I'll second that.

And by the way... here's a question: who from those *alive* characters we know - knows Eddard's little secret? :)